Helping Children Stay Connected with a Loved One Who Has Dementia

When a grandparent or another family elder is living with Alzheimer’s disease or a different form of dementia, keeping strong family bonds across generations can become more difficult, but also more important. Children and teens may feel uncertain, frightened, or unsure about how to spend time with someone whose memory and behavior have changed. That discomfort can cause them to pull away, even though continued closeness is still possible and can remain very meaningful.

With preparation that fits a child’s age and a flexible, person-focused mindset, these family relationships can continue in new and valuable ways. Even as thinking and memory change, emotional connection often stays strong. In many cases, children and older adults can still relate very well through shared time, play, and simple moments of happiness.

What Children Should Understand Before Visiting

Before a visit, it helps to prepare children in a way that matches their age and the stage of the loved one’s condition:

For Younger Children (ages 4–8): Use clear and comforting language such as, “Grandma’s brain works a little differently now, so she may forget things you told her or become confused. It is not her fault, and it does not mean she loves you any less.”

For Older Children and Teens: Give a fuller explanation of how dementia affects memory, feelings, and behavior. Remind them that their grandparent is still the same person in many ways, even if they seem different. For example, “Dementia is a condition that affects the brain and can make it harder to remember, speak, or keep up with conversations. But Grandpa is still himself in many important ways, and he still enjoys being with you.”

For All Ages: Make it clear that dementia is a medical condition, not something the person caused or can control. Reassure younger children that dementia is not contagious, since that is a common concern. Emphasize what they can do to bring comfort and happiness just by being kind, calm, and present.

Simple Ways to Make Visits More Positive

Set Realistic Expectations: Before the visit, tell children what they may see or hear, such as, “Grandpa might call you by the wrong name, but he still likes having you with him.” Giving them a clear idea of what to expect can reduce confusion or hurt feelings.

Keep Visits Brief and Organized: Plan for about 30 to 45 minutes of focused time together. Too much noise, activity, or unpredictability can become stressful for both the child and the older adult.

Focus on Activities that are Sensory-based and Centered on the Present Moment: These do not depend heavily on memory and instead encourage connection through shared experience:

• Making easy art or craft projects
• Listening to songs from the older adult’s younger years
• Preparing a simple recipe together
• Looking at family photos while talking about feelings instead of details
• Taking a walk outside or gently moving to familiar music

Show Children How to Interact: Children often follow the example of the adults around them. Speak in a calm and friendly way, offer warmth when appropriate, and be patient without rushing or correcting. When adults treat the older person with dignity, children learn to do the same.

Put Together a Comfort Box or Activity Kit: Let children help fill a small box with familiar and soothing items such as photos, pieces of fabric, favorite objects, or sensory items like a lavender pouch or a soft scarf. This can give them a shared activity to begin with and provide structure during the visit.

Helping Children Process Their Feelings

After spending time with a loved one who has dementia, children may feel sad, confused, or unsettled without fully understanding why. Giving them a safe space to talk about their emotions can help them feel supported and better able to cope with the changes they are seeing. Here is how to make sure you support children’s emotional needs. 

1. Acknowledge their Emotions

 After visits, give children a chance to talk about how they felt. Ask open-ended questions like, “What did you enjoy most about seeing Grandma today?” or “Did anything feel strange or upsetting?”

2. Talk Honestly About Loss and Change

Let children know it is normal to miss how things used to be. Saying something like, “I miss when Grandpa remembered all our names too,” can help them feel understood while also showing that the relationship still matters.

3. Point out What is Still There

Help children notice the parts of their loved one that remain, such as, “Grandma still has her lovely laugh,” or “Grandpa still enjoys listening to baseball games with you.”

4. Build Confidence through Learning

For older children and teens, age-appropriate books or educational resources about dementia can help reduce fear and increase understanding. Helpful examples include “Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge” by Mem Fox for younger children and “The Memory Box” by Mary Bahr for school-age readers.

When Extra Help May Be Needed

If you notice:

• Ongoing sadness or worry
• Pulling away from friends or favorite activities
• Sleep problems or unusual behavior changes
• A drop in school performance

It may be a good idea to connect your child with a counselor, therapist, or school psychologist who can help them process what they are experiencing.

Why These Family Bonds Still Matter

Even with the challenges involved, keeping children connected to grandparents with dementia can bring lasting benefits. These relationships help children learn empathy, patience, presence, and adaptability. They begin to understand that relationships can change and still remain meaningful.

For the person living with dementia, time with children often brings moments of genuine happiness and engagement that can be harder to create in adult conversations. Children’s natural energy, honesty, and ability to stay in the present often match very well with the emotional needs of someone living with memory loss.

By carefully supporting these relationships, families give both generations something deeply valuable: the chance to keep sharing love and creating meaningful moments together, even as dementia changes how memories are held and expressed. MediHomeHealth supports family connections through every stage of dementia with caregivers trained in person-centered memory care, helping create meaningful interactions for loved ones. Contact the team to learn how they can support your family.